Domestic Violence is characterized by a pattern in which one partner forcefully or oppressively exerts power and control over another. While we typically imagine bruises and broken bones when we think of domestic violence, it can assume many forms. In addition to physical abuse these include emotional, sexual, and financial abuse.

As many as one in three women will be harmed at some point in her life by domestic violence. That translates into an incident of domestic violence (or intimate partner violence) every 9 seconds.

Domestic violence is particularly frightening because the harm comes from within the home. It is harm not at the hands of a stranger but a loved one. More women are hurt by domestic violence each year than by car accidents, rapes and muggings combined.

Observers often wonder why women endure domestic violence rather than leave. The reasons are many and vary with each circumstance. Sometimes women stay for the sake of the children and keeping the family together. Other times the financial wherewithal to establish a separate household is simply not available. Religious beliefs and commitment to marriage vows can also play a role, as does “loving the doer and hating the deed.”

Even if a woman does leave she may return. On average, survivors leave five to seven times before the final departure. With each leaving, survivors build toward the time that finds them leaving for good. In the end it must be remembered that extricating oneself from a violent relationship is a process, it is not an event. The process can be prolonged by sincere apologies that are forgotten in the next episode of violence.

If you are surviving domestic violence, following is list of things to know:

First, it is not your fault. It has nothing to do with any of the reasons you are given. Domestic violence is about a choice to abuse power and exert control. It is not about gained weight or ruined suppers.

Talk to a trusted friend or family member about what is going on in your home. If that feels too difficult or shameful, consider a domestic violence hotline. Contact numbers are usually listed in the telephone directory and on the Internet. Staff and volunteers can offer you support, help develop safety plans or generate ideas for leaving.

Go to a support group. You are not alone, support groups offer safe space to discuss your feelings and hear how other survivors are managing their experiences with domestic violence.

Domestic violence affects millions of women each year. It cuts across all racial, economic and class lines. It does not end with apologies. It can end with concerted effort toward change on the part of the perpetrator. Many states now offer batterer intervention programs. There are also counselors and therapists that are trained to offer assistance.