Most people think it’s real easy to get pregnant.  In fact, they spend a major amount of their time and energy working at not having a baby until they feel they’re ready for it.  And when the time comes they feel is right, they stop all forms of contraception and make love, anticipating creating their own little bundle of joy.

And nothing happens!  And they try again, and again … and again.  Doubts begin to creep in until it’s staring them in the face, that something, somewhere, is wrong. 
Contrary to popular belief, this is not uncommon.  The couple decides to visit their health provider, who recommends certain tests and sometimes, the results point to one or the other or both partners being infertile.   The news comes as a shock; they can’t believe this could be happening to them.  All their excitement and eagerness at having their own baby is crushed.  They may experience extreme sadness and an overwhelming sense of loss.  One or both of them could get stressed and bitter. 

While for some there may be no solution to their infertility, for the others today, there are a number of options available that make it possible for infertile couples to have their own baby.  But the first step towards moving ahead is learning how to cope with the knowledge of their infertility.

You may be reading this because you find yourself in this very situation.   Listed below are some suggestions on how to deal with the knowledge of one’s infertility and the best way to cope is to work along with your partner in a mutually supportive manner.

1. Accept reality.  You or your partner or both of you are infertile.  This is real and one needs to come to terms with this.  The good news is that being infertile is not life-threatening.  The bad news is that you cannot produce a baby the normal way.  This is not your fault so don’t go berating yourself unnecessarily and feel there is something wrong with you or your partner.  Accept you have a problem and gear up mentally and emotionally to deal with it.  Know that there are many others out there facing the same reality.

2. Be sensitive.  Just as you are experiencing strong emotions at learning about your inability to have a baby normally, your partner is also going through similar emotions.   That does not necessarily mean that you will both be experiencing the same emotions at the same time.  Be sensitive and supportive of each other and give each other the space and time to come to terms with the situation.  Besides a feeling of not being alone, supporting each other will only strengthen the relationship.

3.  Educate yourself and tap into a support network.  There are many treatments available today to help infertile couples conceive.  Educate yourself on all aspects of infertility and all the options available as well as all that is involved in availing of those options.  Also, meet and interact with others who are in a similar situation and gain access to a wealth of information that will be available with infertility support groups.

4. Set limits.  While there are a number of treatments available to deal with infertility, they are expensive, time consuming and involve a number of procedures that sometimes, could be traumatic.  No one can tell you when to stop trying for a baby, but be real.  Decide how much of yourself you want to dedicate towards getting pregnant and how much you are willing to spend.   

5. Get professional help if you need to.  Learning about one’s infertility can be extremely painful and if coming to terms with it is proving difficult, don’t hesitate to access professional help in learning to deal with it. 
6. Decline to get involved in baby-focused issues or activities.  Until you feel you are ready for it, it is perfectly alright for you to stay away from events or issues that are baby-centric.  You need time to come to terms with your infertility and declining to participate in activities that concentrate on babies, if that upsets you, is pretty sensible.

7. Be optimistic and yet, realistic.  With all the treatments and options available today to infertile couples, it is quite possible to get one’s expectations up.  While optimism will aid fertility treatments be successful, be realistic and don’t set yourself up for disappointment.  Know what the odds are and be prepared for any outcome.

8. Get involved in other activities.  The shock of learning about your infertility may have robbed you of your natural enthusiasm and energy.  Don’t allow yourself to fall into a rut of depression and negativity.  Get involved in other activities that take your attention away from your inability to naturally have a baby.  Do things that energize and  interest you and bring back your enjoyment of life.

Infertility is defined as the failure to become pregnant after one year of normal, unprotected sex.  There are many causes for infertility and while some of them are not treatable, today there are a number of infertility treatments available that make it possible for infertile couples to have a baby.  The ultimate goal of infertility treatment is a healthy pregnancy and the birth of a healthy baby.

Infertility treatments for women are often used to:

• Bypass a blocked fallopian tube by collecting eggs from the ovaries for in vitro fertilization and placement of a fertilized egg in the uterus.
• Correct fallopian tube damage and structural ovarian or fallopian tube problems through tubal surgery.
• Bypass cervical problems (such as a narrow cervical opening or presence of sperm antibodies) with intrauterine insemination.
• Treat ovulation related problems with medications that stimulate production and the release of eggs. Clomiphene (Clomid, Serophene), GnRH, gonadotropins, and bromocriptine are some of the medications used for stimulating ovulation. However, treatments can vary according to the cause. For example, initial treatment of women with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) often focuses on weight loss and metabolism.
• Treating the growth of uterine lining cells in other parts of the abdominal cavity (endometriosis) using laparoscopic surgery.  
In the case of inexplicable or undetectable infertility even after extensive testing, some treatment options are available. Studies have shown that stimulating multiple egg production (superovulation) using clomiphene increases chances of pregnancy, as does flushing sperm through the vagina and cervix into the uterus using intrauterine insemination [IUI]

Male Infertility Treatments

• Semen without sperm can be treated by surgically taking mature or immature sperm from the testicles and using intracytoplasmic sperm injection to inject a sperm into an egg.  Conception is then attempted by placing the fertilized egg in the uterus or fallopian tube. 
• Low sperm counts can be treated by collecting and concentrating healthy sperm for insemination or assisted reproductive technology (ART) treatment.
• Structural problems can be treated surgically, increasing the chances of natural conception. Surgery can sometimes reverse a vasectomy, repair an enlarged vein in the scrotum (varicocele repair), or correct blockages in or absence of the vas deferens.
• Loss of sperm due to retrograde ejaculation (where the semen flows back into the bladder) can be recovered from the bladder, washed, and used for insemination.
• Sperm production problems caused by hormonal imbalances can be treated with medication or hormones that aid the hypothalamus and pituitary gland start producing normal sperm.  
• If healthy sperm is not available using the above treatments, some couples may choose to use donor sperm combined with insemination or Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART). Others may opt for adoption.

Considerations while choosing treatment:

Although the underlying causes are not yet fully clear, studies show that conceiving using ART or IUI have slightly higher incidences rates of low birth weight and birth defects. 
Both super ovulation medication and assisted reproductive technology increase your risk of conceiving a multiple pregnancy. Complications of a multiple pregnancy become more likely with each additional fetus.

Infertility treatment success is influenced by many factors, including your doctor's skill and experience, and the cause or causes of your infertility.

Infertility treatment centers are not widely available in some parts of the country, especially in rural areas. You may need to travel for treatment.

You need to be aware when reviewing clinic success rates, that infertility treatment centres treating more severe infertility problems may have lower success rates. Therefore, it's possible for a clinic with a lower success rate to have greater overall expertise than clinics with higher success rates.

When reviewing treatment success rates, remember that live birth rates are always lower than ovulation and pregnancy rates. Miscarriages are common among all women and are more likely  among older women and women with poorly controlled, chronic health problems.

As you evaluate your long-term options, discuss whether and under what circumstances adoption would be a reasonable alternative to infertility treatment.